Why am I on the TSA Watch List?

For some reason, about two years ago, airlines stopped letting me get a boarding pass online, making me waste time at the airport desk AND denying me first shot at a decent seat. I am a native-born American with a common Anglo-Saxon name, and am as far from being a terrorist as can be. I mostly fly Southwest, so I joined their useless Rapid Rewards frequent flier club, thinking that might distinguish me from some Abu bin Jihad who might be using my name as a pseudonym. For a while that worked, but just now my partner did the online check-in for our flight to Vegas tomorrow, and AGAIN I've been denied a boarding pass. So now I have to wait in line and deal with the morons at the desk, while my partner sashays to the Promised Land (aka, the secure area).

I've been through the TSA Web site that is supposed to redress this issue, with no results.

I need a drink.

Maybe if I eat some bacon, chug a cocktail, and kiss a dude in front of the security desk, the TSA mouthbreathers might get it through their excessively thick skulls that I am not an member of the Al Qaeda vanguard. On the other hand, I might be a threat, because every time I have to endure the moronic check-in and security process run by smug chimps with a badge and a smidgen of authoritah, I get the urge to start strangling the uniformed high-school dropouts who enjoy making the airline experience as annoyingly inconvenient as possible.